San Jose & 淡水

今天四點多就醒來了， 昨天是五點多起床，回來台灣兩周了， 我以為會恢復正常作息， 但是其實不然，女兒周三晚總算開始上素描課，她的生活有了定位，我就安心一些。

I have been waking up at odd times, early at 4 or 5 a.m. I thought I would have got over the jet lag in one week, but I was so wrong.

I am glad that Laura started her drawing class this Wed evening. Intially I was not sure if it was a good idea to go out in the evening. The night life is much more active in Taiwan than in the US, and the best part is that it is much cooler for outing. I actually like it.   

今天看到古蹟博物館已開放三天兩夜的夏令營報名，蘿拉並不願意去，她有些膽卻，我打電話約了她認識的兩位朋友，到現在都沒人回話，我妹妹對她心靈喊話，說她自己的小孩小時候也去過夏令營，是很好的回憶，不知女兒是否被說動了，我覺得在台灣的優點之一就是，女兒有許多人陪著她成長，會幫她加油打氣，我也就輕鬆一些，表哥姐會教育她，阿姨舅舅也會教導她，電視會教導她，她的老師處處都是。

My next plan to Laura is to sign her up for a summer camp in Danshui--three days, two nights. She declined my suggestions at first. I called one of her old friends to go with her. She then agreed to go. I think it also helped when her aunt, my younger sister, told her that her own children all went to different camps when they were young. And it was not scary but fun for them.  

我今天決定開始過著居家的生活，不出去太久，只有出去吃妹妹家午餐，也要開始寫作，女兒又吵著要去阿公阿嬤家，我要堅持不去但不生氣不大聲指責她，不讓她控制我的情緒。

我一直在打掃和洗衣洗床單，似乎一定要先整理出秩序，我才能in control，才能恢復正常的生活步調，想一想如果我是一位遊客，我旅行三周後就這樣回家了，我能夠對文化了解多少呢？

我旅居美國十九年後對台灣的飲食和旅遊感覺不再新鮮有趣了，只想安定下來做自己的事。

I seem to be washing and cleaning all the time. To me, it gave me a sense of control and order. I hope John will get the job with Apple Computer. I have lost faith in God and I stopped praying for anything. I will just accept whatever happens and make the best out of it. 

上午與老公通過電話，因為我昨天指責女兒不肯好好學中文，很想讓她乾脆回美國上學，所以今天心情仍是沉重的，一方面覺得自己真是個失敗的母親，一方面怪罪女兒為何不能配合呢，torn between two cultures. I know it was not his or her fault, but I just felt bad.

John 說蘋果電腦公司願意與他面試，這是個好消息，只是他到底何時會找到工作呢？兩週又過去了，我連向老天祈求的心念都沒了，這些年來，老天對我們並不夠仁慈，我常常是憂鬱的，想要經濟獨立和情緒獨立。也許這是要我回來長住的一個因果，這是我的機會，也許要再過十年後，才會知道這次的經驗的意義何在。

但是好奇怪的是，昨天上午我與女兒是快樂的，我們去 一家位在真理街叫衣服咖啡館(if)，客人只有我與女兒，但是我們很開心，她看自己的書， 我看店中的圖書， 我看到一本叫用鋼珠筆畫畫的書，就跟著學著在我的筆記本上亂畫，另外有幾本都是有關淡水的說明，這給我一個靈感 ，我可以去訪問一些住在淡水的外國人，用英文寫一本有關淡水的深度導覽書。

Here are some photos we took from eating in a small cafe called IF. It is located in Danshui, not too far away from our home. I had a light bulb moment and thought of starting a book about Danshui and I would interview some foreigners who live in Danshui. I am going to write it in English first.

下面是幾張IF CAFE照片。